My Grammy

So at least once a month, I round up the fam and head over to Grammy's house for dinner. She cooks us about 30 lbs of food. Each. And of course, I mong everything in site.

So we went over there last night for dinner. We actually had EVERYONE together: Mom & Bob, my brother and his GF, me and my BF, and grammy. Lets see if I can remember everything she served:

Steaks (about 10lbs each)
Baked Potatoes (about 15 for 7 people)
Shrimp Salad (my fave - she makes it every time I come over!)
Asparagus (with mayo, I might add - pack those cals on!)
Broccoli (yes...with load of butter)
Garlic Bread (sopping in butter)
Wine (which, with my obvious wine addiction, I had 4 glasses of)
Mango Jalapeno Salsa (which we smothered everything in)

OK. So, at this point, I have had a serving of EVERYTHING since it is all so mouthwateringly awesome, and I am STUFFED. I washed it all down with yet ANOTHER glass of wine, so food coma is TOTALLY setting in. As my eyelids are growing heavy under the weight of the 6,000,000 calories I just ate, Grammy announces, "I HAVE ICE CREAM!!!" I am pretty sure there was a rolling, barely audible groan that escaped from each of our mulths, trying to think where the heck we are going to put MORE grub.

We each tell her we want JUST A SCOOP. She says "Sounds good! Let me serve you up!"

Bob gets the first bowl. Its OVERFLOWING with Cookies N' Cream. His eyes get as big as cannons and my mom stifles a snort as she puts her hand over her mouth, laughing at the REDONKULOUS amount of ice cream in the bowl.

Wow. Well, mom only wanted a bite, too, but Grammy was already filling her bowl, so she didn't have time to object. My BF is dying with laughter, and my brother is too. His girlfriend, who, by the way, is attending the first family dinner and meeting all of us for the first time, has her mouth dropped open trying to take in the entire situation, but trying to hide it so as to not be rude.

Drew's bowl comes next, a huge massive 20lb bowl of ice cream. Everyone starts mowing through the 6,000,000 calories of ice cream, and my grammy leans in behind me and whispers, "I have got cantaloupe-a-la-mode for you!!"

She has been trying to get me to try this for weeks now. I forget to buy it each time I am at the store. But I should have known - why buy it when she is going to stuff it in my multh by force at her place for dinner?

No one hears this little whisper, and grammy goes back into the kitchen to serve me up my treat. She comes out with a HALF A GOD DAMMED CANTALOUPE, and TEN POUNDS of ice cream piled into the hole in the center.

My mom loses it. She is trying not to blow snot all over the table. My brother is wiping tears from his eyes. His GF can't stifle anymore, and she has her face covered with her hands, dying of laughing pains. My BF, the smartass of the group, starts to pile HIS 20 lbs of ice cream on top of my cantaloupe, making my pile about 8 inches high, and making everyone laugh harder. Then he runs away with his bowl so I can't put that shit back.

Grammy wants to know what is so funny, so I tell her I am flinging cantaloupe around (which isn't a lie, since I have to dig it out of the rind), and she laughs at me and goes back to the kitchen.

So, what do I do in this situation?

I ate it ALL. I mean, seriously. I cannot deny her from her favorite hobby: Feeding ME! She loves to feed me, and I love to eat.

I LOVE YOU GRAMMY!!!!